“Lost” Finale – What Is The Black Smoke?

It’s that time of year, again. America’s chosen their “Idol”, Tom the fireman won “Survivor”, and we finally got to see what really happened to Mary-Alice (BTW – just read that the actor who plays George is being bumped to a series regular next season – I’m super-psyched about that one!) It really pains me to know that last night’s finale of "Lost" marked the end of any good TV until September. That’s four months of nothing to watch but Big Brother six nights a week and some achingly horrendous version of “The Simple Life”. Well I suppose we can spend the summer being productive, reading more books, spending time outside, take a vacation – but we all know that every night we’re going to be watching repeats of a mediocre season of “The O.C.” and flying through Netflix.

Well, at least "Lost" gave us a lot to think about over the summer months. Here are some random thoughts on the finale and questions I have for next season:

The images below are frames from the pilot episode of "Lost". You can distinctly see the black smoke flying past the engine of the plane right before it explodes.





You can see the whole sequence here.

These images are from last night's finale.

• Black smoke, the Black Rock, the Dark Territory – is this show racist or what?



• I really like the conversation that Hurley had with expendable Science teacher, especially when they started taking about Steve/Scott. You know that the writers are just dying to put in a Steve/Scott reference whenever they can. I also like how science teacher was bitching about the “popular” members of the crash, and how there’s 40 other people on the island, too. One good thing that came out of science teacher blowing up was he took Kate’s shirt with him, leaving her in a tank top for the rest of the time there – nice move, science guy.



• The Monster/Island Security System: So, what the hell is this thing? First we can see the black smoke apparently causing the plane engine to explode in the pilot. Then there's the poor pilot who was “eaten” by something. Let’s not forget the polar bears. And now we can see that the “security system” is partly invisible, can shatter trees, may come out of holes in the ground, and sounds mechanical. Maybe I’m siding with the non-believer-Jack side of things, but I really hope there’s an explanation for the monster that’s not “the island made it” or “it’s the essence of the island”. And I hope they show us a part of it next season – maybe a tentacle or some glowing red eyes or something. The CGI already looks pretty crappy, so let get cracking on that stuff now.



• Walt – Well, it seems like the island people finally got it right when they took Walt. Which makes me think, did they think that Claire’s baby was supposed to be they boy they were looking for? I mean, the kid was an unborn fetus, and there’s a ten-year-old boy running around causing polar bears to pop up. Do “the Others” (as Rousseau calls them) just need any kid, or is Walt the key to everything. Remember in Walt’s episode when his adopted father told Michael that there’s something “special” about him. And didn’t a bird die or something? Anyway, I know it’s easy for viewers to say, “Walt’s psychic, it’s so obvious” – especially after he told Locke not to open the hatch, but I have faith that the writers wouldn’t have something so obvious be the answer.
  
  Also, if Rousseau wanted the baby, and she was scratched by Claire, then what was Ethan’s relationship to her? Was Ethan with Rousseau, or the Others – or both? Did Rousseau take Claire from Ethan, and she escaped from her? Did Rousseau or The Others recognize Charlie from Driveshaft, and that's why Ethan hung him?



• The Others – It’s good to see some fresh faces on “Lost”. Especially M.C. Gainey as the apparent leader of the Others. You may remember M.C. Gainey from such roles as the pilot in “Con Air”, or more recently as the naked guy running down the street in “Sideways”. Anyway, he kicks ass, so I’m hoping we see more of him next season.



• There’s been talk of another group of “others”, but not bad guys. It’s the people that were in the tail of the plane, Michelle Rodriguez and company. Rumor has it that Michael, Jin, and Sawyer may wash up on another side of the island where the tail people have been surviving. This isn’t such a bad idea, but I spent a season really getting into these characters, it’d be better if they spent more time dealing with adversaries rather than more survivors. Plus, Michelle Rodriguez isn’t as hot as Shannon (when she’s not brooding and miserable) or a non-pregnant Claire. Also, Kate’s hotter than all of them put together.



• You All Everybody! - It’s good to see Charlie almost back on the black tar. I honestly doubt Jack has the kind of medication that eases the pain of having gunpowder blown up in an open gash on your face.



• “The numbers are bad!” – Damn right they are. I really liked when Hurley discovered them on the Hatch. So the hatch is just a long tunnel, but where does it lead? I kinda thought that aspect of the Finale was a little anti-climactic. Is that tunnel what Locke saw when the light went on after Boone died? Did Locke see anything when the light went on? Can Hurley fit down the tunnel?

Well, any show that has this many open-ended questions at the end of season 1 is a winner in my book. Let me know if I’m missing anything. Until September…..

E! "Wild" Over Town Whore

What I don't understand is that half the job of the host is to narrate. That means using your voice. Tara Reid consistently sounds like she smoked 8 packs of Kools and washed them down by gargling bleach.

Those Underpants Hate Our Freedom

Here at "Gotta Have My Pops...Blog" we never pass up the chance to show a humiliating photo of a former dictator. And that's our promise to YOU!

Links O’ The Day: 5-19-05

New Article on the MTV Show "Trippin" from The Best Page In The Universe


...It's been a slow day... and I'm just killing time before "The O.C." finale.

A "Star Wars" Experience

So I went to see Star Wars last night with my roommate. I had originally gotten tickets for Saturday, but I’ll be at Weenie Roast on Saturday, so I had to see it beforehand. Anyway, the screening was at The Grove, which I wasn’t too psyched about considering that the Arclight has assigned seats, and The Grove has this fake-retro-cheesiness about it. Also, I knew the crowd at the Grove was going to be lame rich professionals, and the Arclight was going to be full of dressed-up Star Wars freaks (And I was right about the Arclight, check these photos out). But I figured, what the hell. It’s opening night of the last Star Wars movie ever (I hope), so I don’t mind waiting in a line.

Turns out that going to The Grove and waiting in this fairly large line was a blessing in disguise. That’s because about ten minutes before being let into the theater, a man came up to the people in front of us and offered to buy their tickets for $500. Only in Hollywood, right? But the best part was that I almost immediately recognized him as Rick Salomon. Yes, the same Rick Salomon that showed the entire world his home videos of him fucking Paris Hilton. For those of you who haven’t seen the whole movie of “One Night In Paris,” I highly recommend it (especially for the color scenes).

So Rick Salomon is trying to throw around his wad of cash to anyone who will bite. Personally I think the fact that it was Rick Salomon was a good enough story, so I didn’t feel the need to forgo my Star Wars experience. But here’s what was weird. He was with none other than Spiderman himself Tobey Maguire. Now, Rick Salomon is a dreg of society, a bottom-feeder whose apparent wealth came from exploiting the fame of his hot ex-girl friend (not that there’s anything wrong with that). But Tobey? He’s a Hollywood A-Lister. He makes double digit millions per movie – what the hell is he doing looking for scalped Star Wars tickets with Rick Salomon?

Well, my roommate told me this morning that apparently Tobey and Rick are neighbors and have been friends for a while. But wouldn’t you think that someone like Toby McGuire would be able to go to any one of the advance screenings that only super-cool celebs get invited to – I bet Paris went to one.

So after making everyone around us aware that “that guy” was the one from the Paris Hilton porno, we walked into the theater. Good ole Rick was right behind me walking towards Tobey at the ticket stand (I guess he was hoping Tobey could work some magic). And whatever happened worked because I saw Rick again at the concession stand. He offered me $200 for my popcorn and soda.

Cletus and Brandine in "Chaotic"

I tried to watch "Chaotic" last night, but three minutes into I started to get really nauseous. I don't know if was the jarring handi-cam movements, the sound of Britney saying "Ya'll" 500 times, or having to look at Britney's un-make-up'd face from about 3 inches away. Most likely it was a combination of all three. I thought this was going to be another "Newlyweds"-type thing - you know, where boring, attractive celebrities entertain us by watering the lawn and watch TV. I wasn't prepared for the first-person point of view, which made me feel really bad for the poor editor of this train-wreck.

But I'm sure the ratings were through the roof, so it's good to see Britney actually succeed at something for a change.

Check out this funny Flash video about Britney and K-Fed called "Preggers: The Life of Britney Spears"

Bill Simmons is BACK!

After taking a couple weeks off so his wife could birth a child, ESPN writer Bill Simmons is finally back entertaining the masses. His new article on "Survivor" is hilarious. Check it out, and then read everything else the man has written.

The Sport's Guy's World main page.

Links O’ The Day: 5-16-05

Nicotine Vaccine in the Works

Dominant Tom Wins One of the Best "Survivor" Seasons

"Apprentice" Winners Work Full-Time Massaging Trump’s Ego

“Bernie Mac”, “Arrested Development” Renewed for Next Season

NBC Announces Fall Schedule (and “Scrubs” isn’t on it, yet)

New Cancer Drug Yields Amazing Results

*UPDATE* - Chappelle Talks to Time Magazine

The Drudge Report has just posted that Dave Chappelle granted an exclusive interview with Time Magazine:

**Exclusive**
Dave Chappelle Found! Talks Exclusively with TIME Magazine in South Africa.
"I figured, Let me just cut myself off from everybody, take a minute and pull a Flintstone-stop a speeding car by using my feet as the brakes. I am surprised at what I would do for $50 million. I am surprised at what people around me would do for me to have $50 million," Dave Chappelle tells TIME's Christopher John Farley in an exclusive interview. The full story, as well as exclusive photos of Chappelle in South Africa, will appear on TIME.com Sunday morning and in the issue that hits newsstands Monday...

Come back tomorrow for more updates.

“Kicking and Screaming” – A Real Kick in the Crotch

Last night I was fortunate enough to be invited to a free screening of the new Will Ferrell comedy “Kicking and Screaming”. Unfortunately, the best part about the movie was the fact that it was free.

**SPOLIERS**

The plot boils down to a simple story about Phil Weston (Ferrell) in a lifelong battle to live up to the lofty expectations of his father Buck, played by Robert Duvall. Buck is some sort of oddly-obsessive soccer fan, and Phil simply wasn’t the star athlete his father hoped he would be. Flash forward to the present where both Phil and Buck have pre-adolescent kids who play soccer (Duvall married a trophy at the same time Ferrell did, and both boys were born on the same day - Funny idea, but they don’t pay this off in any comedic way). Of course it’s no shocking revelation that Phil’s kid sucks at soccer, and Buck’s son is the star of the team.

Eventually Buck trades his own grandson to another soccer team because he stinks, and Phil decides to coach that team of losers. Phil employs the help of Buck feuding neighbor, Mike Ditka, to help coach the team. Then the writers apply the old classic formula: the loser kids start to win, blah blah, Ferrell becomes an pussy-turned-obsessive coach, blah blah, they make it to the championship game against his father, blah blah, at halftime Phil does a complete 180 and realizes the game is supposed to be fun… and in a startling revelation, the losers kids win the game.

What I didn’t like about this movie was practically everything. I guess Robert Duvall was trying to take a cue from Deniro and be a comedy guy, but he failed miserably. In fact, the saddest thing was that Mike Ditka was funnier than he was – and a better actor! Also I was expecting from the previews that the story would revolved around Will Ferrell being this crazy-obsessed soccer coach Dad, but in actuality he doesn’t become that persona until the end of the movie – and the only reason he does is because he’s drinking too much coffee. Yeah, that’s right…coffee. Of course he had his moments, just because he’s Will Ferrell, but his character was such a pushover wuss that I spent the whole movie waiting for him to become this crazy guy, which he only became for five minutes.

Another unfortunate part of the movie was that the kids were terrible. I know, how can I criticize kid actors? Well, they sucked really bad. No kid was funny, and the main boy (Phil’s son) couldn’t act his way out of a wet paper bag. And two of the kids didn’t speak English, which is always a recipe for comedy. Oh, and one kid ate a worm a couple times.

I think it’s time for Will Ferrell to start choosing his projects more carefully. You’re the “It” funny guy, Will. We get it. That shouldn’t mean you have to take every crappy script that gives you a leading part. However, I AM counting the days until that juicy turd “Bewitched” drops this summer.

Just so you remember that Will Ferrell IS funny, check out the classic “Cowbell” SNL sketch.

Links O’ The Day: 5-13-05

12-year-old Maryland Girl Hasn't Aged

"Arrested Development" Saved From Extinction?!

SomethingAwful.com's Photoshop Phriday - Ill-Conceived Toys

Secret of the Wendy's Chili Finger Solved

Caleb Nichol – Last Will and Testament

By reading this, the Last Will and Testament of Caleb Nichol, it means that I have died, and it is time to divvy up my vast fortune to all of my loved ones. Even though a year ago I confided to Sanford that I was broke and desperately needed the Coastline land deal to go through (which was inevitably ruined by Sandy), I have since recovered my wealth and am now richer than ever.

At least, I WAS richer, for now I am dead. Hopefully I died in some dignified and manly way, but nevertheless, it’s time to show how much love I have for the members of my family by ranking them in dollar amounts.

First, to my beloved Kiki. You were always my favorite and only planned daughter. You were the apple of my eye, so I leave to you full ownership of the Newport Group. I know you’ll run it better than I did, since I just played computer Solitaire all day and got blow jobs from my secretary. I’m sorry we’ve had our differences over the years. And I’m really sorry about those games of “Don’t Tell Mommy” we had when you were little. Thanks for repressing those memories, Kiki.

To my son-in-law Sanford, the Jew. I appreciate all you’ve done for me, getting me out of my legal “boo boos”, fathering my only grandson and subsequently turning him into a pussy, but mostly for making my daughter so happy for all these years. You’re one of the good ones, Sandy, so I leave to you access to my off-shore Cayman Island bank accounts, the contents of which can only be obtained through sketchy and illegal channels. You see, even from beyond the grave I can get the righteous Sandy Cohen to come down to my level.

To my gay grandson, Seth. I know you’re not gay, and I was very pleased to see you actually dating girls in the past few years. Hot ones, too. However, I had always hoped you’d be an athlete rather than a sheltered comic book geek, but I blame your father for that. I still have hope that you will some day turn into a strong Nichol, rather than the neurotic Cohen you seem to be. This is why I’ve left instruction for my testicles to be removed, bronzed, and placed in your room. Let my strong balls be there for you in situations where you don’t have a pair of your own.

To my sweet Ju Ju. I hope to God that our divorce was finalized before my demise. But if not, then I leave to you the house and ten million dollars. I hope you use the money to buy your lesbian daughter some acting lessons, and to help that other daughter of yours (whose name escapes me) do whatever the hell it is she does all year. Lord knows your deadbeat ex-husband can’t provide for your kids. Even though you had two affairs while we were dating/married, I really appreciated you letting me give you anal after I confronted you about them. You’re given me the best sex I’ve had all year, so congrats on hitting the jackpot.

To my illegitimate daughter, Lindsay. You were there for me when I had my heart attack, and for that I will always be grateful. But during that time, I realized that you weren’t very interesting, and I really could care less about your relationship with Ryan. And your Mom was pretty ugly to boot, and I have to admit I was quite drunk at the time you were conceived. However, I supported you for all those years, so why stop now. Lindsay, I’m leaving you five million dollars. Use that money for clarinet lessons, or math, or whatever the hell floats your boat.

To my other daughter, Haley. You were always super hot, but kind of boring, so I understand why you haven’t been around much. To you I leave $50,000 and some coupons I clipped for $5 off some meals at Red Lobster. I’m confident your hotness will lead to rich men other than myself taking care of you.

To Ryan Atwood. Yes, Ryan, I have something for you, too. What I’m leaving for you is knowledge. Yes, the knowledge that my detectives have found out that your friend Theresa never miscarried your child. Your son is alive and well, and he’s living with his mom in that hellhole of Chino. Ha ha. I ruined your life. Now get the hell out of my daughter’s house.

It’s been a fun ride. I’ll see you all in hell.

-Caleb Nichol

My Take on the Dave Chappelle Situation

It wouldn’t be Hollywood if there wasn’t speculation as the why one of its beloved celebrities has gone off the grid. In the case of Dave Chappelle, who recently entered a rehab facility in South Africa, gossip columnists are saying all sorts of things regarding why he chose to leave his show and admit himself. Drugs, otherwise known by the Hollywood euphemisms “exhaustion” and “dehydration”, seems like the most obvious go-to reason for his rehab stint. But following Chappelle over the years I’ve learned that according to him, he doesn’t do drugs (regardless of his “Half-Baked” persona). In fact, Chappelle’s own publicist, Matt Labov, has come out and said, “He's not in rehab. He does not have a cocaine addiction.”

So, what factors led to this incident? Well, 2004 was a good year for Dave. Chappelle’s Show had a strong debut on Comedy Central, and production on Season 2 began in the fall. However, everything changed when Season 1 was released on DVD. In October 2004, Chappelle’s Show Season One shattered DVD sales records. It passed Season 1 of the Simpsons by selling over 2 million units. All of a sudden Comedy Central realized that they had access to the biggest money-maker for their network since Trey and Matt.

So what does a good network do? They throw $50 million at Chappelle for two more seasons of the show. Broken down, that’s $25 million per season, and since there are only ten episodes per season, that’s $2.5 million per episode. Ray Romano, the highest paid actor on television, makes $1.9 million per episode (but he make 22 episodes per season). So basically overnight, Dave Chappelle rocketed to super-stardom.

All of a sudden, the 30-year-old Chappelle became the $50 million dollar man. When people hear that number, their perception of you changes. I’m sure that everyone six-degrees away from Chappelle was calling him looking to get a piece of that $50 million pie. While, in my opinion, I think Chappelle is worth it, a number like that ends up putting a tremendous amount of pressure on a person. And in Chappelle’s case, I think that pressure drove him to a nervous breakdown.

Not everyone’s cut out for fame. Imagine yourself in Chappelle’s shoes, walking down the street with all your fans and admirers screaming, “I’m Rick James, Bitch!” Sure, it’s good to be loved, but that kind of notoriety messes with your head. Suddenly the drive to just fool around and make a comedy show turns into obsessive quest for each show to top the previous one. Season 3 will have to compete with the phenomenon of the Rick James and Prince sketches. Every sketch has to be gold, otherwise the fans might turn on him.

My personal feeling is that Dave Chappelle is the kind of person that would have been perfectly content with simply doing stand-up his whole life. He loved to entertain people and make them laugh, but fame and stardom were never in his ultimate agenda. When he started doing Chappelle’s Show, he found a new outlet for his comedy that was able to reach an audience far beyond his regular fan base. As is the case with television, his fan base grew exponentially. All of a sudden, Chappelle moved from making an audience in a theater laugh to making millions of people around the world laugh.

So my point (yes, there’s a point) is that Dave had a mental breakdown. He was smart to go to South Africa to avoid the blood-thirsty American media and paparazzi. It shows his dedication to getting better, unlike the common week-long stints at Promises in Malibu that celebrities take to “get better” while playing golf and getting massages. Chappelle has a family that he cares about very much, and I think he desperately wants to get back into a healthy state-of-mind for the sake of his family. If that means putting his show on hiatus, so be it. To Chappelle, it was never about the money.

Get well soon, Dave.

Links O’ The Day: 5-12-05

Patriots sign LB Chad Brown

Dave Chappelle Checks Into South African Rehab Clinic

Kick Ass International "Batman Begins" Trailer

Adrianna Lima Nip Slip

Links O’ The Day: 5-11-05

Ice Cream Man Beats Up Fat Kid

Funny Beer Commercial

Anna Nicole Smith Really IS A Crazy Coke-Whore

This Week’s Onion Headlines

“Carnivale” Finally Put Out Of It’s Misery

Lohan’s Boobs Deflate

The Origin of “Pops”

I had only been at Syracuse University a few weeks into my freshman year, so some friends and I were looking for something to do. I was in touch with a friend of mine from camp because he lived in Syracuse. He told me that he worked at the New York State Fair that was held in Syracuse every year. He said that if I wanted, me and some friends could come down to the fair and he would sneak us free beers and food because he worked at one of the concession stands.

Well, this sounded like a good idea to me and my fellow broke college compadres. So I threw out the idea and gathered a crew together. It consisted of me, my roommate and a few other friends form the floor. So on one of the nights of the Fair (it’s a week and a half long event), we caught a cab and headed off. Now I only knew the name of the place where my camp friend worked (it was Gianelli’s), but I had no idea where it was at the fair. When we got there, we realized that the NYS Fair was just about the biggest event of the year for New York State (especially upstate), so the shear size of the grounds was overwhelming.

Needless to say, none of us had any idea where we were walking to, but we got a good dose of pure upstate NY culture just by watching some of the people the frequented this fair – most of whom were drinking those long yard glass of beer. I was determined to get everyone to the free food and beer, so I took control and began leading everyone around. On our quest to find Gianelli’s, we ended up seeing a weak carnival freakshow and a spectacular display of sculptures made out of butter. At some point, everyone was kinda pissy about finding this place, so they started asking me, “Where to next, Dad? Where we going now, Pops?” At the time I didn’t think anything of it. But the longer I took to find my friend, the more my other friends kept calling me “Pops”.

Eventually we came upon the great site that is Gianelli’s, and my camp friend delivered on his promise to give us free food and beer. Overall, it was an interesting night, not the best we had that year, or even that semester. But when I got back to school, and we told people of the story, the name “Pops” kept ringing over and over. Eventually, everyone on the trip called me Pops, which meant that everyone on the floor (Flint 2A) kept calling me that. At some point soon after that, I remember walking on the quad and having someone who I’ve never met yell across, “Hey Pops!” I guess that’s when I knew that “Pops” wasn’t some flash-in-the-pan nickname, but it was here to stay. I guess it was the timing that made it stick – the fact that it was early freshman year, and everyone was overly-friendly and trying to remember everyone’s name. I guess it was just easier for everyone to remember “Pops.”

Over the years, I’ve been asked to recount this story so many times that it doesn’t seem like it happened so many years ago. So now that this lackluster tale is in print for all to see, you can all stop f@!&ing asking me how I got the name Pops.

A General Warning

WARNING: The following blog contains the inner-most thoughts, feelings, and often harsh opinions of Pops, the least-hard working man in show business. Though he may seem like a mild-mannered twenty-something living the proverbial “dream” in Hollywood, CA, in actuality he is a tightly-wound bundle of neuroses - a veritable “ball of crazy” ready to unleash at a moments notice the true views of the world as he sees fit. This blog is not for the squeamish. Nor it is for the easily-offended, the Christian Right, Neo-conservatives, Soccer Moms and/or NASCAR Dads, the Liberal Media, Scientologists, or the elderly. Truth be told, the contents of this blog will probably be of little interest to anyone opposed to the general opinions expressed by Pops (or as he calls them, “facts”). So enjoy the time you spend here since it’s probably more important than any other job or task that you’re supposed to be doing right now… but don’t say you weren’t warned.