Wednesday, May 24, 2006

"Lost" - Three Minutes

“Three Minutes” – Michael Story

Welcome to the penultimate “Lost” post. The episode “Three Minutes” starts off with a little flashback to thirteen days ago in the Hatch where Michael has another IM convo with Walt. I don’t remember exactly what it said, but I think it was something like:

RaftBuilder46: Walt, r u ok?
PsychicBoy: IMO, these Others are Wack-Donalds.
RaftBuilder46: LOL! Where’d u hear that?
PsychicBoy: Nevermind, come get me!
RaftBuilder46: Where r u?
PsychicBoy: Uh, there’s a rock, and some sky… I think some trees.
RaftBuilder46: Got it. TTYL!

Cut to the present day, where Michael is burning a list of names outside the Hatch. Jack invites him back inside for the first of many manic conversations Michael has about going to get the Others. Now, the audience is aware of Michael’s ulterior motive, even though at this point it’s not exactly sure what it is. But how does anyone NOT realize how ridiculous he’s being? He’s been gone for two weeks, and now that he’s back, the man who was bound, gagged, and locked in the Hatch has escaped, two people are shot dead, and Michael’s suggesting they leave with just five people, none of which are the Iraqi-trained military torturer. All this before the dead bodies are even cold!

Luckily this episode has an island back story, which are usually interesting ones. We follow Michael on his mission to find Walt when he runs into an Other taking a piss. This Other’s known as Pickett, and you may recognize him as “Buck” from Kill Bill ( Suddenly MC Gainey (aka Mr. Friendly or Zeke) comes from behind and disarms Michael and ends up throwing a bola at his feet to trip him up (is there no end to his mysterious coolness?).

Back to present day, Mr. Eko gives an awesomely creepy speech to Michael about a boy who thought that a dog he killed because it mauled his sister will be waiting for him in hell. (Dog in hell = Cerberus = black smoke???). Then Michael’s insanity continues in this speech to Jack:

Michael: “It’s gotta be the way I said, just the five of us. Otherwise it won’t work. It WON’T WORK.”
Jack: “We’re going to figure that out.”
Michael: “I have already figured it out. It’s gotta be just the people who already know. You, me, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley. That’s it. Anybody else…will put him in more danger. You don’t get to decide this. It’s my son. It’s my call. And that’s the way it has to be.
Jack (long pause): Then that’s the way it’ll be.

WHAT! What the f@%k was Jack thinking? First of all, it’s not Michael’s call (as Sayid later points out). They’re going to battle where they could all die. That’s a group decision if I ever heard one. Second, Michael says, “It’s gotta be just the people who already know. You, me, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley.” You would think Jack would say:

Jack: “Uh, Locke and Eko know, too. Speaking of them, how bout we bring Mr. Eko with us – after all he IS that most badass person I’ve ever seen. Plus he cracks skulls with a friggin’ stick. Oh, and can we bring Locke, too? He’s a tracker who knows his way around guns and knives. Plus he’s got healing powers like Wolverine. Worse comes to worse, we could use him as a human shield. One more thing, can Sayid come? After all, he’s actually been in combat.”
Michael: “NO! It’s gotta be Kate… and Hurley.”
Jack: “The chick and the fat pussy dude? Jesus, Mike, should we bring Rose and Bernard, too? (Thinks for a beat) Well, I’m sold.”

Just when moments like these were actually making me yell at my TV, we cut to Claire and her baby. Charlie approaches and tries to make amends for kidnapping and almost drowning baby Aaron by… giving her some liquid “vaccine” he found. But don’t worry, he injected himself five minutes ago to make sure it was safe, and so far so good. Claire’s psyched, apparently she can’t wait to inject her child with a mysterious Dharma liquid. But it’s cool, the directions say, “Take every nine days. May cause dizziness, drowsiness, hallucinations, insanity, plot holes, death, and diarrhea.”

Flashback to thirteen days ago. Jack, Sawyer, Locke and Kate have gone to find Michael, who tore off from the Hatch to find Walt. Kate’s captured by the Others and used as leverage to get the Losties to relinquish their weapons. However, now we see that Michael WAS THERE, gagged up but a mere ten feet away from Kate – who apparently didn’t hear anything the Others said to Michael (even if she did, she probably wouldn’t have told anyone). Oh, and we also see Alex, Rousseau’s daughter, who sweetly fires off questions to Michael (who’s gagged) about Claire’s baby before she smashes him in the face with the butt of her gun. Interesting side note: The girl who plays Alex is the geeky girl from Malcolm in the Middle – all growns up.

Present Day – Sayid is made aware that (not) Henry’s escaped and Ana Lucia and Libby are dead. Sayid wants to join them, but Jack says, “No.” Finally Sawyer articulates everything I’ve been yelling at the TV: “Eventhough Pippy Longstocking and the Grape Ape are ideal candidates for the Dirty Dozen, I’m just gonna say we might want to bring the Red Beret.” Thank you, Sawyer. Naturally when Sawyer tells Michael that Sayid is on board, Michael freaks out (for those keeping score, this is the third time he’s acted completely irrationally, and we’re half-way through the episode).

Flashback to eleven days ago: The Others take Michael to their camp, a ratty village located by the rock formation Walt told Michael about ( In this village we also see another Hatch (, which we can assume is where Walt is being held. After Pickett takes some blood by plunging a syringe into Michael’s shoulder (and these are the “doctors” we saw in Claire’s episode?!), we’re introduced to Ms. Klugh (, an ominous “leader” of sorts who questions Michael about Walt. Naturally Michael can’t answer any of these questions because he missed Walt’s upbringing.

Cut to Present Day:

Michael: “You’re not coming.”
Sayid: “Welcome back, Michael.”

After Insane Michael’s irrationality #4, Sayid’s fully caught on that Michael’s “been compromised,” and agrees not to come. Then Vincent the Wonder Dog brings Charlie one of his heroin dolls from Sawyer’s stash. Charlie throws them in the ocean – I guess that vaccine is a way better high then heroin.

Back in the Hatch, there’s a nice bonding moment between Sawyer and Jack having guy talk while loading up their weapons. Sawyer tells Jack he banged Ana Lucia (“We got caught in a net”) because Jack’s the closest thing he’s got to a friend.

At the beach, while Hurley’s digging Libby’s grave, Michael tries to recruit him for the mission (#5, folks). Hurley states the obvious and asks why he should go. Michael prods, but Kate make him back off after Hurley denies him.

Flashback to three days ago. We’re 50 minutes in, and it looks like we might actually learn some new information about the Others considering Michael’s been in their camp for eight days. Ms. Klugh enters the tent to tell Michael that one of their people has been captured by the Losties and Michael has to get them back. Michael demands to see Walt, and she lets Walt in… for three minutes (re: the title of the show). Walt comes in (having spouting a few inches since we last saw him. Damn you, puberty!) and says that the Others make him take tests. Then Walt says, “They’re not who they say they are. They’re pretending.” Duh! Ms. Klugh gives Michael the task of bringing four people with him back to their camp, after freeing (not) Henry Gale, of course. If Michael succeeds, he gets Walt back… and the Others’ boat.

Present Day – The Funeral. Jack chit-chats with Sayid, who finally points out the most obvious thing to the thick-headed Jack – that Michael’s been compromised, freed Henry, and is leading them into a trap. During Hurley’s eulogy, he gets mad and decides to come with Michael to fight the Others (cue Michael’s subtle sigh of relief). Then Sun sees a sailboat approaching the beach… and we’re out.

Overall a frustrating episode. I’m annoyed by everyone’s naïveté at Michael’s obvious insanity. Especially Jack, our former man of Science and Logic. The back story showed a new locale, the Other’s camp, that we already know is a shame (from Kate’s finding of the costumes to Walt actually saying “they’re pretending”), so we have to expect that reveal tonight. Even the title annoyed me because I couldn’t figure out what it meant. How about “The List” or “It’s My Call”? I guess the only thing I really did like was the last few minutes when we find out that Sayid is on to Michael, thus giving him “the advantage,” and seeing Desmond’s sailboat at the end – and that’s only because seeing Desmond’s sailboat means ANSWERS!

Will anyone ask Desmond questions when they see him? What will happen when Sayid double-crosses Michael’s double-cross? After tonight will there be anything on TV to watch for the next three months????

Score (out of a possible 20)
Back Story: 5
Island Story: 6
Overall: 11


- All week Doc Jensen at has been posting interviews with the cast. Some interesting stuff, but most fluff. He interviews Jack, Sawyer, Michael, Eko, Jin, and Locke:

- M. Rod got some more jail time.

Not much else to report in the “Stuff you May Have Missed” category. All the Lost geeks are wrapped up in The Lost Experience. Personally, I’m done with that crap. The last time I played an online game was for the release of the movie “A.I.” – and what a whopping turd that movie turned out to be. These games are only marketing ploys ABC does to maintain interest in the show throughout the summer. And the Lost Experience is blatantly sponsored by Sprite. And now there’s a Lost video game, and some guy from the fictional Hanso Foundation is a guest on Jimmy Kimmel tonight. Too much, I need a break.

Speaking of turds – anyone see “The Da Vinci Code”? Ug, what a snoozefest. Worse than MI:3. All I have to look forward to this summer is X3 (which hopefully wasn’t completely destroyed by Brett Ratner), Superman, and The Fountain. If there’s anything else worth seeing out there, let me know!

Enjoy the last episode, and if Katharine McPhee doesn’t win I’ll go crazy…

Oh, and enjoy “Lost”, too.


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