Saturday, February 18, 2006

Drinking with Jack Bauer

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So my friends and I decide to go out on Saturday night to this place called “The Bar”. We like it for its ambiance and original name. But after being there for a while, we suddenly noticed that Kiefer Sutherland was sitting at a table. Now this place is small, so Kiefer was at an arm’s distance from me. So I figure, what the hell? I’ll go talk to him.

After walking over to him, I introduce myself and offer to buy him a drink. At this point I noticed that Kiefer was out-of-his-mind drunk. I’m talking the kind of drunk where you revert back to infancy, and you can’t hold you head up on your neck or speak coherent words. Needless to say, I immediately told all my friends to start conversations with Kiefer because it seemed like he was one of us.

My friend and I decide that shot of Patron would be nice to give Kiefer a little boost. So I bring the shot outside where he’s smoking a cigarette. As I take mine, he promptly throws his on the ground. I look at him like, “What’s the fuck, Kiefer?” and he says (in garble drunk-speak), “I spilled it out. I can’t do it. I’m sorry... I think I got some on your shoes.” Since he seemed genuinely sorry, I said, “It’s okay, Kiefer,” and led him back inside the bar.

Much to my delight, my entire posse was waiting at the bar for a chance to not only meet Kiefer, but to take advantage of his drunken state for our own amusement. So we kicked things off with a “Dance Off” between Kiefer and my buddy, Smards. Kiefer went first – his dancing was basically flailing his arms around. Smards went and promptly blew him away with such patented dance moves as the flamingo, the Wrangler, and the rubber torso. Kiefer didn’t stand a chance.

After Smards did his thing, we all applauded, and Kiefer actually got down on his knees and bowed to him. He then looks up into Smards’ eyes and says, “You wanna move in with me?” Then Kiefer looks to my other buddy, Cubes, and says, “Grab my hand.” So Cubes grabs his hand and helps him up, which leads to this exchange:

Kiefer: Grab my hand!
Cubes: I’m holding your hand!
Kiefer: You wanna fight me?
Cubes: No way, you’re Jack Bauer. You’ll break my neck in 3 seconds.
(Kiefer hugs Cubes)
Kiefer (re: Smards): Does he wanna move in with me?
Cubes: You should move into our apartment with us.
Kiefer: Fuck that. I got a mansion in Malibu!

Kiefer took a shining to Cubes and introduced him to his 19-year-old daughter, who was taking pictures of the dance off. I’m not sure how we ended things with Kiefer because that shot of Patron caught up with me. But hopefully I’ll be able to find the pictures of the dance off she took.

Gotta love Hollywood.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

"Lost" - One of Them

“One of Them” – Sayid Story.

“My name is Sayid Jarrah, and I am a torturer.” Pretty bad-ass. I thought that Sayid story was cool, but I wasn’t quite sure what was going on in the back story. They wanted Sayid to torture his own superior, but the US could have easily done it because it’s revealed in the end that the Army official (ably played by Clancy Brown) spoke the language. Perhaps in this day and age, showing US soldiers torturing Iraqis may be considered a tad taboo, so showing another Iraqi doing it is ok. But then what happened to Sayid? He was just a torturer from then on? Was he working for the US for a while, because in a previous back story he was working with the CIA to give up those Sydney suicide bombers?

Overall, I liked the A-story (although the back story looked nothing like Iraqi – more like a Van Nuys back lot’s version of it). And Sayid beating the crap out of our new friend Henry Gale was great – you know that guy’s an Other by that look he gave Sayid when Jack stopped him.

And what’s with Jack? One minute he wants to build an army to attack the Others, and the next he’s coddling this strange man who no one knows? Stop flip-flopping, Jack! Let Sayid kick his ass and find out exactly who he is.

B-story: Sawyer and Hurley look for a frog. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Sawyer: “Why don’t you shut up bamo? Or your ranch disorder is gonna be the new lead item on the coconut internet.” One of those stories that makes you bang your head against a wall in frustration.

All right, now let’s get into the cool stuff. So, the clock goes down to zero, and then some weird pics come up. What were they? You can see them here:

What do they mean:

Some say it’s the Egyptian word for “die”. Why Egyptian hieroglyphics? Cause the writers enjoy driving us crazy. And how did Locke prevent whatever impending doom was about to happen? Three words, “Control, Alt, Delete.”

Here’s what some Internet chatter says about some points you may have missed:

- “When Sayid is traveling in the vehicle with American soldiers, one of them is the man Kate thought was her father for a long time, Sgt. Sam Austen. He is also holding a picture of Kate.”

- “Henry Gale” is Dorothy’s Uncle from the Wizard of Oz. And he’s flying a hot air balloon to Australia (or “Oz”).

- - This site has a simulated Hatch computer that you could type things in to. The computer is gone for now, but if it comes back, I’ll let you know.

Score (out of a possible 20)
Back Story: 6.5
Island Story: 5 (lost major points for the frog story)
Overall: 11.5

Thursday, February 09, 2006

"Lost" - The Long Con

“The Long Con” – Sawyer story: I liked it. It wasn’t any more ridiculous than Sawyer’s character is, except for maybe the end.

As far as the back story goes, I liked how they revisited an older one when Sawyer pulled the whole “accidentally opening briefcase” bit. And I liked how she called him on it. The whole part at the end with him revealing the con to her and then still going through with it I thought was kinda ridiculous, but I guess even a bad man like Sawyer can still learn to love (gag). But isn’t the fact that he told her he loved her and still took the money kind of a double punk?

In the island story, it baffles me why Jack and Locke ever “agree” to do anything together because there’s a 100% chance that one of them will violate that agreement. And as far as Sawyer plotting to steal all the guns, where does he expect to hide them where Locke, or the Others, can’t find them? And is he going to be clutching that machine gun at all times like some jihadist? And what’s it going to take to get a gun from Sawyer? Pain pills, a new pair of glasses, or perhaps a kiss from Freckles?

Oh, and how bout Charlie no longer being the most hated man in camp? Even though he had to give Sun some lumps on the noggin, you know what they say about making omelets.

Overall, I liked how Sawyer manipulated everyone to do what he thought. Even by making sure Kate was around for his alibi, and pitting her against Ana Lucia – brilliant. The Seahawks could’ve used Sawyer to plot some strategy for their two minute drills. Also this ep. had a nice weaving of back story and island story, culminating in the “long con”. And there’s a new power dynamic in the camp, and Jack and Locke were finally, if not temporarily, put in their place.

Other points:
- Hurley was reading a manuscript called “Bad Twin” by Gary Troup: Rearrange the letters in Gary Troup and you get “purgatory”.
- What the hell was Locke doing with the books? Trying to find something in the pages? The book he lifted up was called “Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge”, which is the story of a civil war soldier “conned” by a Union scout into trying to sabotage Owl Creek Bridge. But he is actually caught and about to be hanged when the rope breaks and he is able to escape, and the rest of the story is about his escape and arriving home to his wife and flashbacks of how he got conned. However, there is a twist at the end when the rope goes taut and he does indeed die by hanging. The whole story was just a split-second vision that flashed through his mind as he was about to die. Pretty clever, “Lost” folks.
- The song playing on the radio at the end was by Glenn Miller, who boarded a plane in December of 1944 going to Paris and vanished.

Score (out of a possible 20)
Back Story: 8.5
Island Story: 8.5
Overall: 17

General “Lost” Theories:
- – This one is hardcore.
- There’s been talk that The Others are really good guys trying to prevent the children from the sickness. That one doesn’t hold too much water with me.
- My roommate has a theory that everyone has a ying to their yang on the island: Like Saywer’s a con man, and Locke was conned by his Dad. Ana Lucia lost a baby she wanted, Claire had a baby she didn’t want. Eko found God and lost drugs. Charlie lost God (he was an alter boy) and found drugs.