Drinking with Jack Bauer

So my friends and I decide to go out on Saturday night to this place called “The Bar”. We like it for its ambiance and original name. But after being there for a while, we suddenly noticed that Kiefer Sutherland was sitting at a table. Now this place is small, so Kiefer was at an arm’s distance from me. So I figure, what the hell? I’ll go talk to him.

After walking over to him, I introduce myself and offer to buy him a drink. At this point I noticed that Kiefer was out-of-his-mind drunk. I’m talking the kind of drunk where you revert back to infancy, and you can’t hold you head up on your neck or speak coherent words. Needless to say, I immediately told all my friends to start conversations with Kiefer because it seemed like he was one of us.

My friend and I decide that shot of Patron would be nice to give Kiefer a little boost. So I bring the shot outside where he’s smoking a cigarette. As I take mine, he promptly throws his on the ground. I look at him like, “What’s the fuck, Kiefer?” and he says (in garble drunk-speak), “I spilled it out. I can’t do it. I’m sorry... I think I got some on your shoes.” Since he seemed genuinely sorry, I said, “It’s okay, Kiefer,” and led him back inside the bar.

Much to my delight, my entire posse was waiting at the bar for a chance to not only meet Kiefer, but to take advantage of his drunken state for our own amusement. So we kicked things off with a “Dance Off” between Kiefer and my buddy, Smards. Kiefer went first – his dancing was basically flailing his arms around. Smards went and promptly blew him away with such patented dance moves as the flamingo, the Wrangler, and the rubber torso. Kiefer didn’t stand a chance.

After Smards did his thing, we all applauded, and Kiefer actually got down on his knees and bowed to him. He then looks up into Smards’ eyes and says, “You wanna move in with me?” Then Kiefer looks to my other buddy, Cubes, and says, “Grab my hand.” So Cubes grabs his hand and helps him up, which leads to this exchange:

Kiefer: Grab my hand!
Cubes: I’m holding your hand!
Kiefer: You wanna fight me?
Cubes: No way, you’re Jack Bauer. You’ll break my neck in 3 seconds.
(Kiefer hugs Cubes)
Kiefer (re: Smards): Does he wanna move in with me?
Cubes: You should move into our apartment with us.
Kiefer: Fuck that. I got a mansion in Malibu!

Kiefer took a shining to Cubes and introduced him to his 19-year-old daughter, who was taking pictures of the dance off. I’m not sure how we ended things with Kiefer because that shot of Patron caught up with me. But hopefully I’ll be able to find the pictures of the dance off she took.

Gotta love Hollywood.

"Lost" - The Long Con

“The Long Con” – Sawyer story: I liked it. It wasn’t any more ridiculous than Sawyer’s character is, except for maybe the end.

As far as the back story goes, I liked how they revisited an older one when Sawyer pulled the whole “accidentally opening briefcase” bit. And I liked how she called him on it. The whole part at the end with him revealing the con to her and then still going through with it I thought was kinda ridiculous, but I guess even a bad man like Sawyer can still learn to love (gag). But isn’t the fact that he told her he loved her and still took the money kind of a double punk?

In the island story, it baffles me why Jack and Locke ever “agree” to do anything together because there’s a 100% chance that one of them will violate that agreement. And as far as Sawyer plotting to steal all the guns, where does he expect to hide them where Locke, or the Others, can’t find them? And is he going to be clutching that machine gun at all times like some jihadist? And what’s it going to take to get a gun from Sawyer? Pain pills, a new pair of glasses, or perhaps a kiss from Freckles?

Oh, and how bout Charlie no longer being the most hated man in camp? Even though he had to give Sun some lumps on the noggin, you know what they say about making omelets.

Overall, I liked how Sawyer manipulated everyone to do what he thought. Even by making sure Kate was around for his alibi, and pitting her against Ana Lucia – brilliant. The Seahawks could’ve used Sawyer to plot some strategy for their two minute drills. Also this ep. had a nice weaving of back story and island story, culminating in the “long con”. And there’s a new power dynamic in the camp, and Jack and Locke were finally, if not temporarily, put in their place.

Other points:
- Hurley was reading a manuscript called “Bad Twin” by Gary Troup: http://tinyurl.com/coogr. Rearrange the letters in Gary Troup and you get “purgatory”.
- What the hell was Locke doing with the books? Trying to find something in the pages? The book he lifted up was called “Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge”, which is the story of a civil war soldier “conned” by a Union scout into trying to sabotage Owl Creek Bridge. But he is actually caught and about to be hanged when the rope breaks and he is able to escape, and the rest of the story is about his escape and arriving home to his wife and flashbacks of how he got conned. However, there is a twist at the end when the rope goes taut and he does indeed die by hanging. The whole story was just a split-second vision that flashed through his mind as he was about to die. Pretty clever, “Lost” folks.
- The song playing on the radio at the end was by Glenn Miller, who boarded a plane in December of 1944 going to Paris and vanished.

Score (out of a possible 20)
Back Story: 8.5
Island Story: 8.5
Overall: 17

General “Lost” Theories:
- http://www.4815162342.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=7712 – This one is hardcore.
- There’s been talk that The Others are really good guys trying to prevent the children from the sickness. That one doesn’t hold too much water with me.
- My roommate has a theory that everyone has a ying to their yang on the island: Like Saywer’s a con man, and Locke was conned by his Dad. Ana Lucia lost a baby she wanted, Claire had a baby she didn’t want. Eko found God and lost drugs. Charlie lost God (he was an alter boy) and found drugs.